Keeping It Real

by Sara Blackmoore

“Height?” Asks the profile questionnaire, and as you draw yourself up in your chair, all 5 feet and 8 inches of you, you smartly type in “6 feet”. Well, it’s only an extra four inches, you tell yourself, she’ll never notice when we meet, and six feet sounds sexier! Oh dear, this doesn’t sound like a good way to start any new relationship – with a lie. Why are we tempted to exaggerate certain features, or omit others, when describing ourselves, wouldn’t we be better off starting as we mean to go on?

The internet is a wonderful place, you can be anyone you want to be – it’s a highly anonymous environment. Whilst reinventing yourself as an airline pilot, super model, or minor royalty can be great fun and very entertaining in a chat room, it’s never likely to lead to a lasting relationship if carried over into serious dating endeavours. It’s so easy to make yourself a little bit taller, thinner, “sexier”, and apparently more “interesting” from the safety of your keyboard, but when you get to the point where you are ready to meet someone face to face, it’s all going to come back and bite you! So why are we tempted to elaborate in the first place? Presumably it is because we think nobody would want to meet the “real” us. There is often a tendency to think that other people listed on an agency site have more to offer, but this is a big misconception. If one really takes time to think about the sort of person they would like to start a new relationship with (assuming they are looking for something lasting), then they will see that such a person will accept them unconditionally; will find them “interesting” and “sexy” the way they are. Their potential mate will not be someone who is looking for that minor royalty or super model, and so there really is no need to try and pretend to be such.

Another misconception is that by being economical with the truth, one will open up wider horizons; for example, one may believe that there are more girls likely to be interested in six foot guys than in those men who are more “vertically challenged”. The fact is, with so many single people out there, there is no shortage of people looking for someone exactly like you – the way you really are!

For relationships to work, they need to be built on honest and firm foundations. Starting out with a lie, even a tiny one, is not a recipe for success. So when filling out that profile, be honest – brutally honest – because when someone gets in touch, you’ll know that it really is you that they are interested in.

About The Author

Sara Blackmoore is a relationship counsellor and regular contributor to The Dating WebReview. She lives in London, England with her husband and two children.
sara@dating-webreview.com